Thursday, October 25, 2007

Dog-Eat-Dog Mall?

I’m not anti-dog…really. IF I lived in the country or an expansive palatial estate nestled amidst the beauty of Traverse City, the second purchase I would make is a golden retriever. I love its boxed nose and golden coat.However, I live in The Clem and I would never shackle a dog to the cloistered life of 1,000 square-foot existence. It’s not right.
With that foundation firmly in place, I can freely blog about the idiocy of the dog-friendly Mall at Partridge Creek.Classic.The mall seems intriguingly unique: bocce ball courts and outdoor fireplace. Interesting. I kind of like the idea of putting up my dogs…err…feet while my wife shops or while I watch a bit of lawn bowling. But why do I have to dodge partially-digested doggie remnants from an owner too careless to pick up after poochie? Can’t people do anything without their beasts chained to their wrists? It’s bad enough that I have to hear Gladys yapping on her cell phone about her botched varicose vein surgery. I don’t want to have to sidestep released intestinal matter or wonder if the five-second rule still applies on the carpeted areas of the Dogville at Partride Creek. Again, I’m not against dogs. I’m against the stupidity of feeling the need to take your dog shopping. Can’t it simply stay at home in its cage, kennel, prison or whatever fabricated shelter it lives in?
Why does it matter to me?

Because I’m the one who has to sidestep the rabid beast that escaped from its owner. I’m the one who has to walk around the leash or trip head first into the fire pit. I’m the one who has to wait even longer in the checkout line because after 17-year-old Suzy, who’s allegedly working the register, is done texting her bff; she’ll be fawning over some shaggy shiatsu that also just happens to be sporting a sweater that just happens to match the owner.

The irony of the dog-friendly park is that all dogs must be leashed to their owners. Logic reveals that a leash allows the owner to control the dog. Unfortunately, reality indicates the reverse is more accurate.


aarong1204 said...
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aarong1204 said...
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aarong1204 said...

One of my favorite bloggers, Professor Mike Adams, has an interesting argument involving your initial question of "Who owns who?"

The article is from August 24, 2007 and entitled "Keep Your Laws off my Doggie"

I've also noted an extreme increase of hits on your counter. My groud troops tell me that AP Language Class now involves blogging. :)

JBrandt said...

I just read the column. Man I wish I could write like that! Excellent point. Your troops are correct...almost. We will be creating our own AP Language Blog and students will add their own AP Language Blog if they'd like. I floated the assignment out last week and they seemed intrigued. Well, those who have not yet realized it's just a sadistic/technological alternative to homework.

Josh Evans said...

Wow, I just realized how much I miss the Brandt-esque rhetoric.