Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Cannibal Captures Caption Contest

After great debate, I've finally selected a winner for the Name that Play Contest: MERCKX. It's fitting. The Cannibal, as he's known in the two-wheel world, was ferociously fearless and ate up any kind of competition. Backing down from nothing, Merckx rode to glory by mastering the fusion of man and machine. He bested all Tour de France competitors five times and would have added one more TdF trophy, but a foolish Frenchman, yes - I'm aware of the redundancy in that previous phrase, bolted onto the road and punched Eddy in the liver. The Cannibal agonized through the mishap and placed second. He never gave up. Never quit. Never stopped pedaling. That's the reason the play, that will put plenty of points on the board and suffering into the hearts of our competitors, is called Merckx.
Congratulations, Dan Rohde for winning. You now have 24 hours to pick up your cash prize. Please present photo ID at that time. In the event that you do not show up within the time-frame, all prizes will be donated to the FFR Czar.
As soon as we score using Merckz, I will offer a video tribute. Thanks to all who entered.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Creation, Colts and the Mustang Corral

Sorry about the delay in posts but life seemed to catch up to me and pass me by. It's kind of like being next to Finkelstein as he chats up a storm with the myriad of people he sees and knows at Stony and then after checking noise near my chain I look up to find him gone, vanished. It's something that would make Houdini proud.
So with this Thanksgiving vacation I have some time to regroup, catch my breath and at wait for the group to lap me upon where I will catch up and with Hamlet-esque resolution, vow not to get dropped again.
I spent some time in Indianapolis speaking at a Lutheran teachers conference. The presentations went well as I babbled about the benefit of using children's literature in high school English classes. I also shared some reading across the curriculum strategies. Several conference highlights:
1) The main speaker was Ken Ham, one of the greatest speakers on creation and a young-earth advocate that I have ever heard.
2) Envying Indianapolis Colts fans. They have winners. We have the Lions.
3) Opening the paper and seeing Detroit number ONE! the most violent city.
4) After my introduction where I included the phase, "I teach at Lutheran North in Macomb, Michigan, which is 20 miles north of Detroit" somebody asked me how dangerous it was to live there. At first I thought they were talking about driving on Hall Road or the LHN parking lot but the reference was Detroit. "Oh, there are bullets flying everywhere, knives glistening in the dark and screams every day and night, but none can be heard because as I said, MACOMB IS 20 MILES AWAY" is what I said in my mind. In reality I simply smiled and said, "Oh, it's fine." In fact I offered my son up as an example of proof. I told them he would be running the streets of Detroit with more than ten thousand other runners on Thanksgiving morning. They looked unconvinced. I quickly moved on.
5) After seeing the engine light come on an hour into my 6-hour trip, I evaluated the consequences, combined with my vast knowledge of the combustible engine and opted to chance it. After five more hours of travelling at 70 mph, my Honda Accord arrived intact. After breathing a sigh of relief, I immediately wondered if I would make it back. For those of you doubting my vehicular knowledge, keep in mind I drive a Honda. Of course, I made it back.

Game one of the season begins at Fraser High School as my freshmen take on the Lady Ramblers. We're looking to press early, score often and foul hard. If we complete that intricate trifecta all should be well at the Mustang corral.

Enjoy, appreciate and give thanks for all the earthly blessings the Lord has given us and focus on the greatest gift our Creator has given to us that ensures our eternal salvation: Christ.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Name That Play!

Sorry about the lack of posts. I've been working on my AP Language students to join the blogging fray. It's funny how students that can drive, talk on a cell phone, text their cronies and change CDs all at the same time, struggle to open a blog account. However, we are making great strides.
Once again, I'm tweaking the format of my Caption Contest a bit. As Blog Czar I am allowed. As some of you may know, I returned to coaching. I'll be leading the 9th grade girls' basketball team this year. We are nearing the end of our second week of practice and have made some great strides in the past couple of days. Our first game is Monday, November 26 at Fraser High School. Because this is the first year girls' basketball has occurred in the winter, schedules are a bit hectic. However, we have introduced our offense and today I'll introduce our out-of-bounds plays. The play illustrated above is so simple and so effective. Most schools throw a zone defense while defending the opponent's basket. We counter this zone by sending four girls to the weak side corner. While the defense thinks we will attack them in the paint, we simply chuck it to the corner and crank a triple. Three points later, the coach still doesn't understand what happened. Trust me it works. We ran this at the boys' varsity level, boys' grade school level and girls' grade school level. As long as you have a shooter, you will get the shot. Not only will we get the shot, we will also get the points. What I don't have is a name for this play. So...this week it's NAME THIS PLAY Contest. The contest begins immediately. The winner will win the satisfaction that every time we run this play, all our girls will remember the creative genius who named it.

Friday, November 9, 2007

A 600-pound cow falling on a car IS funny

I'm not sure what made me laugh more, the image of a flailing, falling 600-pound car plummeting from the skies, the sound it must have made when it hit the car's hood, the instant mini-burgers created upon impact or the author's use of words throughout the article. When the reporter used "utterly" to set up the quote, he must have chuckled. Ahhhh, the power of words. Now, I'm sure there would have been an outcry of sympathy if, instead of a free-falling bovine, a dog crashed onto the car. Fault may have targeted the driver if it was a manatee. Man's inhumanity to animal might have been front page news if a wandering baby seal met its demise in this manner. PETA might have pressured the auto industry to create external air-bags to minimize such future horrors.
That's why I'm thankful it was only a side of beef (make that sides of beef) that decimated the van's hood.
Oh, and I'm very thankful nobody was hurt. Internet video whispers hint there may be cinematic visuals of this event. I bet that's even funnier.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Due to all the conspiracy theories that surround the event, it looks like The Commish's painting the bell blue is the winner of the most athletic event. It might not have taken great athleticism but the accomplishment was so great that everyone wants to take credit for it. Congrats Commish!

Look for a future issue of The North Star that will rank the top ten or fifteen greatest sports moments in Lutheran North history. Word on the street is that the article is in development. My "inside source" says it will be a good one.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

WHAT'S Number One?

Mustang Fans, here is your opportunity to make a bid for what you believe is the number one athletic moment in Lutheran North's history. Restrain your knee-jerk reaction and don't be so impulsive.
Think it over. Just because you were a part of it doesn't mean that it was as good as you believe or remember

Think outside the box. Describe the number one athletic moment. That doesn't mean it had to happen during an MHSAA sanctioned event. I witnessed a student fall asleep on the bleachers during chapel, way back when students sat on both sides, and fall to the ground. The fact that he didn't snap a clavicle or endure any serious injury is an athletic feat that might top the list. Sure football players make fantastic plays. Sure John Puskar ran back an incredible interception but he was wearing pads and a helmet. Franky fell at least six feet wearing nothing but dress-code sanctioned clothing to cushion the blow. Now that's an athletic endeavor.
Is it the best? Craft your reason and the Athletic Event Czar will decree a ruling.